"Damned if you Do. Damned if you Don't"
The State Motto of Texas.

A Texas Yard Ornament.

This tree is for sale by the owner (God?)
Yet you can't climb it in order to try it out. No fair.
 

Hospitality seems to stalk you no matter where you roam in Texas.

Nothin' washes down a box of Little Debbie
Snack Cakes like a bottle of White Zinfandel.
I guess Wal-mart was out of the standard "Wine-In-A-Box" fare.
 

My brother, Markis, elated to find the World's Most Elaborate Outhouse.
 

Markis enthusiastically showing off this quaint little "fixer-upper".
It comes complete with a washing machine & bookcase
(both which double as a roof supporting device)
as well as a "do it yourself" carport kit.
 

Kitchen Gothic.

My little big sister, Carletta & my brother Markis.
Carletta is smiling because she's happy to see Markis.
Markis is smiling because his hand is in his pocket.
 

The one thing you can say about the Kitchen Kids
is that we never, ever, ham it up for the camera...
 

...this is, sadly, natural.
We're like this even without a camera present.

This is my 17 year old niece, Mia.
I promised her that I would not post this picture on the Internet.
I clearly lied.
 

Strike a pose before it strikes you.
That's our motto.
 

A thorn between two pricks.
 

This is only the second time the three of us have ever been together...
with a 10 year gap between visits.
 This picture clearly illustrates why.
 

Markis sucks at playing Hide-And-Go-Seek.
 

Bait AND Picnic Supplies?
I pray to God that no one confuses the two...

Mia surrounded in a public place by her two endearingly creepy uncles.
And to think Mia's Future Adventures in Therapy all started right here!
 

January, 2007. This marks the first time all four of us have
been together. To commemorate the occasion,
my birth father's neighbors immediately signed a petition
banning future family reunions at his home.

Oh, sure! Like this is the first time that's happened!

Self explanatory.

Hey, Kitch! You just spent two days with three of your loudest kids!
How are those hearing aids holding up?

"Huh?"