bobbi

I have been told that a prayer is music to the eternal soul. The enlightenment within the words, no matter how simplistic they may appear, will shine and illuminate beyond expectations or belief. It will raise them up to higher levels of consciousness and into what we on this side of the veil would call heaven. Hard to believe something so basic—even mundane—could do so much. But it’s true. It will remind the spirit of their connection to us, the part they took in our journey this time around. It tells them we love them, miss them, and wish them everlasting peace. Just one prayer can do all of that. Think of the people you have touched along your path. They’ve all been there for a reason; some blatantly obvious and others not. Each one has played a part in who you are today and who you will be tomorrow. Take the time to remember all of them and offer up a prayer in their memory and in their honor.

Today I offer a prayer to an individual that only crossed my path for a short time. Bobbi was a fellow adoptee whom I met at a monthly support group meeting about seven years ago. She was simultaneously captivating and tragic. She embraced life’s experiences while pushing away the joyful intimacy it provided. She sought desperately for the loving acceptance that was missing yet ran away franticly if it took one step towards her. She was afraid of who she was and, more importantly, who she may become. Bobbi made changes to herself but never within where her true beauty was stored. To let the truth out would have made her far too vulnerable for her own tastes and she wasn’t strong enough to let this happen. That is the greatest tragedy of all, in my opinion. Denying your own truth to step into the limelight is the equivalent of spiritual suffocation.

Just a few days after Christmas Bobbi finally gave in to her own demons. They called on her one last time and she found solace in a handful of pills. I lost contact with her when I moved to the west coast nearly 6 years ago. I would ask about her, from time to time, through mutual friends and she did the same of me. However, not once did I seek her out directly. We weren’t close by any means. We shared a common denominator—adoption—and that factor alone made us view certain aspects of life through the same eye. I realize that instead of going through friends I should have gone straight to the source when inquiring about her. I know there was nothing I could have said or done to prevent her from the course she was on but maybe, if only for a moment, she would have known there was one more person out there that cared for her—one more that loved her—and perhaps it would have brought her some consolation along the way.

So, Bobbi, all I can offer you now is a prayer: a simplistic prayer of love and enlightenment; one that will comfort you now and lead you back home. True peace, in my own opinion, can be found within the safe havens of your very own soul. But to make that sanctuary safe you have to believe in the power within your own light. The beacon of a lighthouse can be seen at a great distance but it burns brightest from where it originates within.

Rest well, Bobbi. I will never permit myself to forget you.